To my daughter's mother

Stepmoms and biomoms across the nation hate each other. There are entire chat rooms and forums aimed at bashing one or the other. And just a few that are focusing on becoming a team. With the growing number of separated and remarried families, I am so glad to see that starting to change and more people are taking the "no ones the bitch" approach.

This is a photo of me on the right (the step mother) and Tyler on the left my stepdaughters biological mother (often referred to biomom or bm for short in online groups) at my house a few weeks ago. She came and stayed from out of town so Katelyn could attend her brother's 4th birthday.

I realize how many kids will never have this or even dream of days where there two worlds can come together without fighting and tears and I am so grateful Katelyn has this.

So to my daughter's mother....

Dear Tyler,

I am SO proud of us. That after 6 years of being in each others lives we can call each other a friend. That we realize we are actually more then friends. We are family.I think the example we are setting for Katelyn is something she may not recognize now but will be so proud of in the future. And realize how lucky she is. I hear from so many friends of divorced parents that they hated having to have two completely separate lives because their parents couldn't be in the same room. As a wedding photographer I see it all the time brides worrying on their special day about their mom and step mom or mom and dad causing some kind of scene. I hear quite often how great people think it is. I realize that it also freaks people out a bit when they find out I have spent the night at your house or how often we text/email/talk etc. That how could we possible trust one another? Or be friendly? This is a sign of how special we are. How much all the hard work we have put into building this relationship has paid off. And it's all for Kate, so it doesn't really matter if people don't understand it. Because we do.

There will be fights in the future. Between you and my husband or you and I. I know this. Just like anyone raising children with others we all argue with husbands, boyfriends, moms, dads, inlaws etc. about how a child should be raised! We will disagree on how she should be disciplined, who she should spend her time with, or when she can pierce her ears (hee hee). But I know we will get through it all. Because slowly we have learned to communicate with respect. To realize in the end we are all just trying to do what's best for OUR daughter. That while we may not always agree, all of us deserve to be at least heard. To provide a united front. And never let her know when we disagree. We continue like this and we can't go wrong. And the arguments wont last long. And the past will be the past and we should look only to the future.

As a biological mother of two myself.I also realize how hard it must be at times to have someone like me around. Who wants to be so involved and loves your daughter like my own children! So thank you. I don't say it enough. But thank you for allowing her to love me. Thank you for expecting her to respect me. Thank you for confiding in me. For trusting me. Thank you for respecting my opinion.Thank you for realizing I'm not trying to take your "place". I'm simply trying to find my own. I appreciate it and I respect you for it.

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” Let's continue to be the best mom team ever:)

Love Always,

Nicole

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